My Approach to Therapy by Ker Cleary, M.A.

As a contemplative psychotherapist, I hold the view that we are all intrinsically healthy. Due to various factors and life experiences this basic fact of who we are can become obstructed or hidden. My job is to help my clients reconnect with their own natural wisdom and intrinsic health. I help people develop awareness and friendliness towards their thoughts, feelings and actions, and the skillful means to make fresh choices that truly serve them.

My work is grounded in the integration of Western psychology and Buddhist thought. I encourage my clients to hold an attitude of gentle curiosity about their habits of thought and patterns of behavior. I believe that the cultivation of self-awareness and of maitri (unconditional kindness towards self and others) is the most radical and helpful approach to healing ourselves that we can take. When we understand our own minds, we can choose how to live our lives. I have a range of practical tools to offer my clients as we work together, along with a firm belief in the inherent positive nature of each person. I feel strongly that therapy is a collaborative effort. and that you, the client, are the ultimate authority on your life and in charge of any changes you want to make.

Under stress, we tend to operate from old patterns, telling ourselves the same old stories about the world, and behaving as if these stories are still true. The stories might be about abandonment, loss, danger or other uncomfortable experiences from the past. For instance, if you experienced pain at the hands of a person wearing a purple plaid hat, you might respond fearfully to anyone wearing such a hat, whether or not they mean you harm. You might feel anxious, or angry, or want to run away. This isn't a problem per se - it makes sense. However, we can accumulate so many stories over a lifetime that we stop living authentically in the moment. Your boss or your lover or the person in line with you at the store might show up wearing a purple plaid hat. Reacting to this from an old story line can create a lot of unnecessary trouble!

We can easily find ourselves in continual reactivity to old beliefs and experiences, acting out of habit, rather than in response to what is actually happening. This is ultimately unsatisfying. We might try to find satisfaction through various activities and pursuits, but when we can't be present in our own lives, we can't really experience any of it. As a result, we find ourselves feeling alienated from ourselves, each other, and our world. We might feel helpless, depressed, angry, anxious and stressed out. We might not know where to turn.

The good news is that this is all workable. Everything in life is constantly changing, including our situation. Every moment is an opportunity to meet the world with our intrinsic wisdom. We can simply work in the moment with whatever arises, and learn how to open to our experiences in a friendly and curious manner. Even a person with a purple plaid hat can be experienced freshly, and responded to with accuracy and presence.

We can be happy if we simply show up in our own lives, without jumping to conclusions, hanging on to old ideas, pushing our experience away, or pretending it isn't happening. Being present is powerful, joyful, a little scary, and quite a lot of fun. It just takes some practice. It helps to have allies on the journey. I can help you explore this, if you'd like.

My motto is: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments you might have,
by email or phone (541)349-0595.

Thank you for reading this statement. May all beings benefit.